When the Holidays Are Hard: Why Planning Ahead Can Support Your Mental Health
For many people, the holidays are described as joyful, busy, and full of connection. For others, they can feel heavy, overwhelming, or lonely. Both experiences can exist at the same time, and neither means something is “wrong” with you.
As a therapist, I often hear clients say they feel pressure to enjoy the holidays. When that enjoyment doesn’t come naturally, guilt or self-criticism can quickly follow. The truth is, the holidays can amplify whatever is already present beneath the surface: grief, family tension, financial stress, trauma, or mental health challenges that don’t take time off just because the calendar says they should.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Difficult
The holidays tend to bring a perfect storm of emotional triggers:
Loss and grief become more noticeable when traditions remind us of people who are no longer here.
Family dynamics can resurface old wounds, unresolved conflict, or roles we thought we had outgrown.
Loneliness can feel sharper when it seems like everyone else is surrounded by people.
Financial pressure and end-of-year expectations add another layer of stress.
Disrupted routines — sleep, nutrition, exercise, can affect mood and emotional regulation.
On top of all this, there’s often an unspoken message that we should be grateful, cheerful, and present at all times. That expectation alone can be exhausting.
Planning Isn’t About Control — It’s About Care
When people hear “planning,” they sometimes imagine rigid schedules or forced positivity. In reality, planning for the holidays is less about control and more about self-protection and self-compassion.
Planning gives your nervous system a sense of predictability during a time that can feel emotionally chaotic. It allows you to think ahead about what might be difficult and how you want to support yourself through it.
This might look like:
Deciding which events you will attend and which you won’t
Setting boundaries around how long you stay at gatherings
Identifying a few grounding tools you can use if emotions run high
Scheduling downtime before or after social commitments
Making space for grief or rest instead of pushing it aside
Planning doesn’t remove discomfort, but it can make it more manageable.
Small, Intentional Plans Make a Big Difference
You don’t need a detailed holiday survival plan to benefit from this approach. Even small choices can help:
Letting someone know ahead of time that you may need to leave early
Having a neutral response ready if difficult topics come up
Scheduling a therapy session before or after a challenging week
Creating one meaningful tradition that feels right for you, not anyone else
When you plan with intention, you’re sending yourself a powerful message: my mental health matters, even during the holidays.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If the holidays are a difficult time for you, you’re not failing, you’re human. Support can make a meaningful difference, whether that’s through therapy, trusted connections, or simply allowing yourself to move through the season differently than expected.
At IronMind Wellness, we often support individuals who feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure of how to navigate this time of year. You don’t need to know exactly what you want to work on. Sometimes, having a space to slow down and talk is enough.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be survivable and with a bit of planning, they can feel less heavy and more grounded.
If you’d like support during or after the holiday season, we’re here when you’re ready.